suddenly i'm famous
and people know my name

Jane Koh
SMU student!
caderas latina & cross-ctry!=)
i'll reach the top
one day.


my heart has been captured
by your funny little smile

i don't know for sure
where this is going

don't promise me forever
just love me day by day

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Lyrics: Funny Little World
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(Wednesday, September 28, 2011 / 6:55 PM)

i've shifted to =)
Mid terms really sucks! ( / 6:15 PM)

I've been blogging really often these days. I guess its a channel for me to rant as much as i want to without the fear of sounding too whinny or grumpy or what-so-ever. So, as of today, i'm done with 3/4 papers with the last one this saturday. Well to sum it up, it wasn't good at all. Clinically depressed as of now. Other than Ltb mid terms, aw and stats were sort of horrible. To think i had such high hopes of getting A+ for stats. All the practice for nothing. Seriously. Doing over 300qns in the past 6 weeks didn't seem much of a help. :(
Now, all i'm hoping is an A- for this mid sem. I'm not even sure if i can get it and this feeling sucks. Math used to be my forte and i've always been super confident in getting an A since secondary school. So why is all of this changing now that i'm in university. I feel as though my brain juice is leaking away. Brain juice, i need you really badly for this 4 years in SMU!
& of today till friday evening, i shall mug my ass off for biz law and hopefully i can at least an A- for my mid terms. God please help me. Really.
Recess week in about 3days. I can't wait for recess week!
Time to catch up on my school work, party hard and meet all my besties. Miss them truck loads. <3

& i never thought that i'll feel this way about you.

mid-term blues (Sunday, September 25, 2011 / 9:35 PM)

End of week 6.
Mid-terms are starting tomorrow and i'm feeling extremely ill at ease. :(
its been an extremely long time since i felt so ill-prepared.
No matter how small the tests/exams may be, i used to make sure that i'm as prepared as i can be. now, oh well....
& now, i know that all i can do is to trust God and commit all my papers into his hands.

Life's complicated (Wednesday, September 21, 2011 / 8:37 PM)

week 6 in SMU.
one word to sum it up-dying. There's just tremendous amount of pent up frustration, anger and confusion. I'm like seriously questioning myself, asking myself if smu is the right university for me. I just don't seem suited to the working style of smu. Everything just feels so different and foreign as compared to jc. The assignments don't even seem like tutorials to me. Presentations and i seem terrible. 1st presentation-LTB. i told myself that i'll work harder to remember my script. 2nd presentation today-biz law. I practiced like mad for my script and i was pretty sure that i could remember he major part of the content. However, q&a just slaughtered me totally. i hate how my brain just blanks out when the prof asks a question and how i cant seem to think properly.
biz law presentation today just shattered every ounce of confidence that i have. The prof asked the qns and i took quite some time to actually be able to answer her. However, my answer was seriously still terrible. Not up to standard.
i thought that i knew the content of the presentation pretty well already. Yet, i still couldnt really answer her qns. Worst of all, having such horrible grp members ain't makes everything even more terrible. Our presentation today just seemed totally messy and disorganised.
academic writing ain't treating me that well either. everything just feels so bizzare and wierd here. to make matters worst, assignment 2a draft is due tmr and i've barely started.
Am feeling really stressed out for mid terms. i need to score desperately.
Feeling terribly physically and mentally drained.
The amount of effort i put in each time just don't seem to measure up to the results.
i need to maintain a gpa of 3.4.
suddenly this seems so far away. it feels so difficult to even get at least an A- for each module.
i need to keep this scholarship super badly. thats lk probably the only reason why i will even chose smu.
the need for emotional support. i feel as though i'm going to have an emotional breakdown anytime soon.

Officially hating beer (Saturday, September 10, 2011 / 1:06 AM)

So, today marks the end of my 4th week in SMU. I seriously can't believe that i actually survived through 1 entire month of school. Mid-terms are coming in just 2 plus weeks. I feel so unprepared and still in a holiday week and this totally scares me. & today marks the end of party time in Smu till at least the recess week which comes in 4 weeks time. =D
Serious mugging is absolutely required. No more slacking! No more partying.
Sports fiesta( did nth but just cheer and acted as goalie for captain ball for 5mins in my rocker outfit. LOL. ), AS class which never fails to make me feel dumb due to the people around me, CSD event followed by ASOC day. The music was good and the food was really awesome! Took my first round of food. Wiped it clean. Feeling greedy as usual, i decided to take a 2nd helping only to realise that i was far too full to swallow any food down. =/
Feeling quite down at the moment. :(
Was on the train when i realised that i got rejected by the ocsp to vietnam. Well, still thought that i was able to get in as i felt that the interview went pretty well. Sigh guess my well wasnt good enough. The dissapointment i received on the train felt just like how i felt when i read the email only to know that i got rejected by ntu nanyang scholarship. The sense of failure. The sense of feeling really upset. This sucks. Oh well, no choice. If there's no other ocsp to go this december, guess i'll only go during the summer next year. No choice.:(
On a positive note, this will enable me to concentrate on ivp next january.

emo ttm right now. I need to let it go.
nth is ever gg to come out of it.
i shld have expected it. fml
will i ever find that one day though..

(Tuesday, September 06, 2011 / 12:02 AM)

Worst biz law group mates. Seriously, can just suck thumb man.
Thank God its Sunday (Sunday, September 04, 2011 / 1:16 PM)

Weekends are my favourite time of the week. Time for me to enjoy life, meet up with my old friends,spend time with daddy&mummy & stay home to mug. =)
life's awesome just like that. Its great being able to meet with jc clique fortnightly, whats-apping them all daily. Well, cant wait for our next date! Dinner at timbre with the BEST wings and pizza and htht!
Sigh, really miss x.phiscovia girls. Its been such a long time since we all last met. I think our last date was in June which was like what, 3 mths ago? Lol. & ty has officially mia-ed for the last 3 weeks or so and i've no idea where she is. :( Why are you girls all so busy. Sobs.
Recap for the past week.
it was just basically school, caderas concert@zirca, econs bash@ butter which was horribly boring and had us eating macs at 2plus cause the crowd just dispersed and left at around 2am, training with the run team( finally found a pretty nice route to run!=) ), school on a saurday morning and Slightly scarlet fashion show followed by after party @ tab( the only thing that made me decide to go were the free drinks. Lol.) Guess i should have just gone to soul to find the other girls.
Alrighty, no more clubbing till maybe ladies night during recess week.
Tine to start being a total mugger. YAY! =D
off to do my stats!

random talks (Sunday, August 28, 2011 / 8:22 PM)

1. i can't seem to make myself study the whole of today evening till now
2. i'm kind of dreading ltb presentation tomorrow( no idea why either. :( )
3. Weekends seem to pass so quickly
4. Everyone seems super busy. too busy to even bother about their phones. except me. LOL.
5. Life's far too boring and i'm gaining weight. wts. :(

1. i met up with my favourite girls yesterday. Had an absolute blast of a time photo-boothing with them.
2. sc7 outing yesterday was pretty enjoyable. =)
I think its by far the most successful one that we had. The highest ever attendance.
3. I got into caderas. yay!
4. Its a public holiday on tuesday. Time to buck up on my studies and enjoy staying at home. =)
5. my pay just came in today! less broke. finally!

came across this: all my life i've been good & now i'm like wth? I need to start having fun.
How apt. I think i've changed quite a fair bit every since jc life ended. I really do need to have more fun. I've been living far too much for others and my studies. Life revolves around more than just that. i guess?
i'm not sure if this change is good or bad.
but for now, let me just enjoy myself first.